A Guide to Subpersonalities & How to work with them
Have you ever wondered why around some people you’re SO outgoing, and around others you’re as shy as a hermit crab? Or do you have groups of friends you behave differently around, or conflicting interests that have vastly different ways of expressing themselves? Perhaps the you that knuckles down to file your accounts is different to the you that drank too much tequila at the office Christmas party that year when we were still allowed to see people. You might have an entertainer, a radical, a bookworm, a meditator, and a whole host of other aspects to your wonderful and unique personality. These subpersonalities are all true and all partial.
What are subpersonalities?
A psychosynthesis concept, subpersonalities are the ‘parts’ of us that form in response to varying rewards, punishments, and experiences at different times in our lives. Perhaps you were motivated to own a room and entertain adults when you were a child. Or maybe you were told that children should be seen and not heard. Perhaps you developed a rebellious streak in your teens, a spiritual seeker in adulthood, a hippie, a corporate professional… the list goes on.
Each of our subpersonalities have different needs and goals. Whereas one might want you to stay in, study hard, and develop a career, another may just want to find the next rave or eat a whole tub of Ben and Jerrys in one sitting. Both are valid expressions of your wants and needs.
We tend to rely on some subpersonalities more than others. Our favoured few tend to cluster together and form little communities in our psyche. We feel we can trust those ones. They’re dependable, even if some of the things they do no longer serve us.
We may completely cut off from other subpersonalities. We may be told in our youth that our sexual side is inappropriate or ‘dirty’, leading us to shove this part of ourselves into a drawer away from public eye. Or perhaps you have a selection of darker, nastier, pettier subpersonalities hiding under a guise of what is socially acceptable. On the flipside you may have a strong leader type, a class clown, or magnificent potential that never gets to see the light of day for fear of being judged - because you were told it was ‘too much’.
I am not saying the darker subpersonalities need to come out and steal the show, or make your life any more difficult than it needs to be. But what I will say is this: every subpersonality needs something, wants something, and is ultimately trying to express something core in YOU.
Very often, we become unconscious to how we are led by our default modes, and it can be supportive to step into a place of centre and observe: ‘who am I being in this moment?’
There are many ways to work with subpersonalities, which I’ll come to in a moment, but I wish to express that they each hold a degree of energy and power. The more we can step into our subpersonalities, including those we find excruciatingly uncomfortable, the more we are able to tap into parts of our latent energy.
Moreover, we may find some gold among the sawdust. Perhaps the subpersonality you’ve previously regarded as a show-off turns out to be a powerful ally in instilling a confident sense of self. Or you may tap into a highly motivating subpersonality you’d all but forgotten about.
In counselling I often aim to create a safe environment for the more difficult parts to express themselves. More often than not, the very act of doing so creates a sense of empowerment and births that paradoxical place of release coupled with healthy control.
Think of subpersonalities, at their best, as a crack team of professionals working on your side. If we dismiss and oppress certain parts of the team, this is never good for the potential of the whole. This manifests in blocks, inner conflict, emotional turmoil, and feelings of guilt about parts of us not living up to our self-defined personality structure.
Unfortunately, when covered up, our uglier sides may often find a way to leak out in ways we don’t expect. We may find our most destructive facets creeping to the surface when we are angry, drunk, or otherwise disinhibited.
Basically, the goal of working with subpersonalities is to step inside and get to know them, so that you can later step back out into your centre and invite a healthy version of each subpersonality to the team. You are then less likely to be unexpectedly sabotaged by a shadowy stranger that lurks in the realms of the unconscious.
Think of this like conducting an orchestra. The more you get to know the players, the more instruments you have at your disposal to play the music and navigate the world harmoniously.
Say, for example, a part of you feels bitter, enraged, scary, or even violent. We can either ignore that and leave it unnoticed in the background, or we can get to know it a little so that we might tap into some of its energy and meet its needs. We are then better equipped to transform this subpersonality into something less toxic.
A point to note: no subpersonality is truly good or bad, but they may come with distortions. Our driven, career-focused directing type may be fantastic at managing projects, but could come across as overbearing or unsympathetic when given the reins at a poetry recital. Our kooky artist may be especially gifted at coming up with imaginative ideas, but probably isn’t the best candidate for scheduling our workload or filing our tax return.
Another point to note: This is not the truth. If parts of this concept do not resonate with you, take what you need and discard the rest. It is fair to say that we are all in constant relationship, and that we have a unique mode of being in every situation, depending on who we are surrounded by.
Perhaps we can think about it ilike a dance. You would move differently at a disco than you would at a ballet class, but you would also dance differently depending on who is around, or how you are feeling. It all gets blurry and overly-complex at this point, so I find the subpersonality concept a handy way to stay grounded, and a useful tool in excavating different parts of our being, while knowing that it is not the whole picture.
Working with subpersonalities: Identification & Disidentification
I like to encourage people to really embody their subpersonalities. Make a temporary bit of floorspace, about a metre wide. Having an imaginary space that you can step into means you can physically step out of your usual self and into one of your subpersonalities. Hone in on an aspect of yourself you wish to focus on - or think of a topic (such as sexuality, money, spirituality, or something else), and step into it with said topic in mind.
Stay present and experience how your body takes on the load, or lack thereof. Do you feel like you are floating off, or really heavy? Do you get any unusual sensations? Are you comfortable? Do you feel energised, tired, etc?
And now, the tricky part. Really stay with the subpersonality while you ask the questions below and enter into dialogue. Identify with the subpersonality and speak from a place of ‘I’. You may feel tempted by other, more familiar parts of yourself to jump in with background voices saying things like ‘this is not what I’m used to.’ ‘I’m being rude/judgemental/cocky/weak/hypersexual/prudish/just-not-me’. (Pick your poison). Ignore those voices and allow the subpersonality to express itself fully before rushing to judge, hide, or analyse. You may be surprised by what emerges. You may feel lightened by something you thought was heavy. You may find love embedded in your anger, liberation in your fear, joy in your sadness, and so on.
If you are working with morning pages or another kind of writing ritual, I suggest a form of ‘bracketing’. Again, this means speaking from the voice of somewhere you tend to ignore. Take it to its farthest end. Express it in all its messiness, confusion, venom, narcissism, and elation. Know that this is just a part of you and not your whole self, and that everything you say is allowed.
Once you are done, take time to step away and re-embody your whole self. Physically and consciously step out of the space, or put large brackets around the writing to show that this was just a part of you and you are now returning to your centre.
If something uncomfortable for you has emerged, feel free to park it, knowing it will revisit only when you are ready. You are safe.
Through doing this type of exercise, the aim is to create a deeper sense of centre and a more rounded sense of self. If nothing else, I hope you will feel some release.
In psychosynthesis, the therapeutic goal is to explore subpersonalities just enough to get a better picture of who you are, and then spend time reintegrating them with your sense of self.
Enjoy the process and become content with not knowing.
Subpersonality EXERCISE:
Identify and pick a subpersonality to work with. I suggest trying this exercise twice: first with a subpersonality you are comfortable with, and second with one that you do not usually contact in your day to day life.
Speaking or writing from the ‘I’ (first-person), respond to the following questions and statements while embodying the subpersonality. (Watch out for any pesky interjections from default thinking habits).
Questions:
How old am I? Notice any memories that emerge.
How do I feel?
What is my body image, and how do I like to express that? Do I wear make up? What kind of clothes do I wear when given a choice? Am I formal, chill, bright, dark…?
How do I move? (Try out different postures and body movements to see what fits this subpersonality).
What kind of situations do I choose to be in? Where would I go on holiday?
Where do I thrive and what are my strengths?
In what situations do I feel the least comfortable?
What do I want? Out of life? From others?
What do I need? Out of life? From others?
Was there a time when I first appeared?
How much time do I, as a subpersonality, spend taking the reins in this person’s life currently?
How do I serve the wider personality? And is there anything I do that used to be useful but no longer serves anyone?
If I am not very predominant, how would life be different if I, as a subpersonality, took more time and control in daily life?
How do I help this person to grow. How could I help this person to grow?
How do I relate to people? Women? Men? Other genders? Children? Animals? God?
Do I have a name? What is my characteristic feature?
Bibliography:
Firman & Gila - Psychosynthesis: A Psychology of Spirit
Roberto Assagioli: Psychosynthesis: A manual of principles & techniques
Course handouts from the Psychosynthesis Trust - https://psychosynthesistrust.org.uk/
Conductor metaphor - unknown source.
